STORIES
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7/31/2009
WOW! Where do I even begin? My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years and married for 3 1/2 of them. After we were together for a little over a year I cheated on my husband. We were both working and rarely ever saw each other. I worked mornings and he worked nights. I started hanging out with a male friend who would give me rides home from work because I didn't have a driver's license and by the time I got out of work my husband was of course at work. I ended up moving out for about a month. Then one day he showed up while I was working, we talked things through and ended up getting back together. Since then we have gotten married and had 2 beautiful daughters. A little over a year ago I discovered my husband was looking at porn on the internet. I was completely crushed almost like he had cheated on me. He of course lied to me at first but then we got through it. He forgave me, so of course, I forgave him. A few weeks ago I did something I never ever thought I would ever do in my entire life. There really is no way to explain what was going on in my head or my life at the time to even compensate for my actions. I cheated on my husband again....with my female friend. I told my husband what happened and he was a lot calmer then I thought. I was for sure he was going to tell me to pack my stuff and get out. He just said "We can get through this, forgive and forget." We've been through alot in the last 6 years other then the cheating and porn but we have worked through every last bit of it TOGETHER! With everything that has happened we have left each other feeling little, worthless, unwanted, and unloved. We do love each other but it just feels like there is something missing in our marriage. I know what I am looking for from him but I don't know what it is he may or may not be looking for from me. I am scared to death that I am going to lose him. So, I have decided to try The Love Dare. We do believe in god but we are far from religious. We do not attend church or anything of religion.
Lost & Numb
7/30/2009
My husband and I have been together for over 23 years, married for 14. We have one child who is 9. I don't really know what happened to us - it seems that gradually we became more distant. We stopped being intimated about 3 years ago, my husband stopped desiring me. My husband has been watching porn for many years. How can the average women compete with that? I wish men would realize how devastating this type of behaviour is to the woman you claim to love. I told him in many different ways how lonely I was and that I missed him, but nothing seemed to matter. I wrote him letters, I spoke to him, I screamed at him, I gave him the silent treatment, I nagged him and said mean things to him - it's hard to be nice to someone who is breaking your heart. The only thing I didn't do was leave - but oh how I wanted to. I asked him many times if he was happy - he always told me yes, but he sure didn't seem happy; but nothing changed. We did not kiss, we did not hug, we barely touched each other. I would tense up and feel myself get angry as soon as he got home from work - I hadn't even spoken to him yet and I was ready to start a fight! He has been drinking more lately, which only makes me angrier and more abrasive. I finally gave him an ultimatum a couple of months ago - we go talk with a counsellor, or it's over. Of course, nothing changed during this time. I proceeded to contact a councellor and make an appointment. I ended up contacting the pastor that married us (how ironic) and told my husband that if he didn't go, he might as well pack his bags because I would no longer be his wife. There was no way I was going to leave the family home, when I wasn't the one who was being the ass! The pastor suggested a couple of things, and one of them was the movie Fireproof. That evening, I was channel surfing, and found that the movie Fireproof was going to be on one of the movie channels the following evening - talk about fate. My husband was out of town the following night, but I watched the movie anyway. It was unreal - it wasn't a mirror image of my marriage - but close enought that it hurt to watch it. I bawled through the entire movie because it was so hard to watch. We haven't really spoken about what the pastor talked about during our appointment, but I knew that my husband understood and "got it" when he kissed me goodbye before heading out of town - this was the first kiss (other than a brush of his lips) in a very long time. We have dug ourselves a very big hole that I am not sure we are capable of getting out of, but I do think we both want to - we will have to take it slow and be careful so we don't cause the walls to collapse on our way out. The next task is to get my husband to watch Fireproof and to start the 40 day love dare together.
7/30/2009
I have been married for almost 5 years now, but have known/dated my husband for 11 years. We have two amazing children! It is because of my children that I am trying to save my marriage. Our relationship has always been strong, but in the last 3 years, I feel like I am losing my partner. We are Christians and have tried to establish our marriage on the the Word of God, but nevertheless here I am...
Somewhere along the way, I feel like my husband has changed personalities. Instead of feeling like his partner, I feel like his punching bag (only definitely not physically). With life's frustrations, moments of anger, and sadness, I am the one that gets the blame. Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are times in a relationship that one person gives 90% and the other only 10%, but after 3 years of trudging through battle after battle, I am exhausted. I have tried being supportive in his career changes, even when it was going to uproot our entire family on a whim of an old dream. When that didn't work out, I still tried to be there by his side. I am exhausted at being at fault at the root of every small problem. When he goes off on his tangents of the things I have done wrong for the day, I try to stay quiet and ignore the comments. Unfortunately I can only handle so much and I end up fighting back and lashing out at him about everything I feel he does wrong. The worst thing is that our fights are usually in front of our 2 innocent children. I am horrified to think that our fights will taint our children forever; that they will lose everything innocent about them. I love my husband more than words can begin to say, but in the same breath...I can't take it much longer. I don't want my children to grow up with divorced parents, but I can't have them living in a house where Mommy and Daddy fight every day.
I have asked him to go to counseling, but to no avail. I have prayed relentlessly until I have felt like God is not listening or doesn't care. I am emotionally numb to him and this marriage. I think that if we didn't have kids, I would have left him 2 years ago. It makes me nauseas to think that a man I used to get weak in the knees about, is the same person I think might be better without him in my life. Once in a while we have good days and it gives me a ray of hope that this might be the day that our marriage gets on the right track.
My husband and I watched Fireproof in the theatre a while ago. We both felt like our lives were being displayed on screen to the world. Yet, we have never thought about doing The Love Dare. I have ordered The Love Dare in a last effort to salvage our marriage. I want our marriage to glorify the Lord. I want us to set an example of a strong Christian marriage, centered on God, for our children. Since God blessed me with my children, I constantly thank him for blessing me with them and I promise to God that by allowing me to be their mother, I will raise strong Christian people who constantly try to display the love of Christ to others. I am not keeping my promise by allowing my marriage to fall apart. I pray that after I finish The Love Dare, God changes our hearts and my husband and I figure out what a true Christian marriage can be.
Until then, I am just hanging on...
7/29/2009
I'm not married, but I have been with my girlfriend on and off for 4 years and we have an amazing 11 month old daughter. It FEELS like a marriage. I want it to be a marriage. But the problem is ME. Since we have been together I haven't given her my WHOLE heart. I have texted and emailed other women more times than I can count. Finally I was away from home for a month training for my upcoming deployment and she caught me doing it again. This time she said it was completely over. She doesn't love me anymore and wants to leave me. When I found out, I broke down completely. But luckily for me I was in the same tent as my chaplain. He suggested that I watch "Fireproof" I was skeptical at first but the experience was intense. It made me realize that I need to change and not just SAY I've changed. I'm going to do the dare, get back on the right track with GOD and hopefully through HIM her heart will open back up for me. Pray for us.
Dan
7/29/2009
I had a wonderful marriage, simple, joyful, caring, loving. Then alcohol entered the picture. Before we were married, I had gotten through treatment for this, went to AA meetings, and was clean and sober for almost 4 years (married 3 by then) and I thought that I had it beat. So I drank again. A couple months later, it was like I never stopped drinking. Blackouts, calling my husband to come pick me up off of some bar's restroom floor and we had enough. Back to treatment I went.
At this point in my life, God and I were not on speaking terms. I knew he was there, but was angry that he didn't save my first marriage and destined my children to come from a broken home. Besides, it was an excuse to go out and have fun when I was single. So now that I'm back in AA meetings and still doing treatment for alcoholism, a new addiction settled into my heart; sex addiction. Multiple experiences, risking my health, online chat rooms, cyber sex, web cams, lying to my husband, the list goes on. Then I was caught.
The first time, I swore it would never happen again but I had no intention of stopping. The second time I was caught, I swore it wouldn't happen again and that I think it might be an addiction and I tried to stop. But I couldn't. The third time was it. I was going to loose everything if I kept it up. Finally opened up communications with God and He saved me. I was able to get off the online places I used to hangout, ignored text messages I was getting from guys I was "dating" and I started atteneding 12 step meetings for sex addicts.
Wandering through the local Christian bookstore for books on addiction, I ran across Fireproof the DVD. Looked intersting, took it to the counter and the clerk told me about the love dare. Bought the movie and two love dare books. Took them home and explained it all to my husband. About a week later, we watched the movie. We were in tears and in each other's arms when it was over. We really wanted to put our marriage back together God's way.
Few days later, we started the love dare. Actually, it's quite challenging doing it together since you kind of know what's coming each day, but it has still been a wonderful experience. Today we are on Day 18 and wondering when we are going to find free time to have dinner together where we can talk. So we have the questions we know are coming in front of us and will be ready to understand and be understood when the time comes.
I'm an addict of many bad things and today, I spend a lot of time in 12-step meetings; both secular and Christ based. My husband spends alot of time in co-programs (al-anon, cosa, co-dependants, etc) and we know that this is something we'll have to do for the rest of our lives and it's OK. I found time to drink and date so now I spend an equal amount of effort on recovery. My husband had time to worry and snoop around my things trying to find something out so now he spens an equal amount of effort on recovery.
God saved my marriage and my life and Fireproof has been, yet another, wonderous gift from Him because He loves me.
Tammy
7/29/2009
Faith & Love Prevail
My spouse and I have known eachother since 1995 and been together since 1999. We were married in 2005. After many struggles, my spouse cheated within 8 months of our marriage with someone he worked with. He left and they were together for 3.5 years. I waited, begged, pleaded and prayed for him to come home for 2.5 years before I decided to start dating again. I ended up dating someone who had also been badly hurt and had a lot of baggage. I am half way to my retirement date and started this relationship with someone 9 years my senior and had two very small children from a previous marriage. While I was dreaming of retirement, he was still making their meals and bathing them. I had known this person for as many years as I knew my spouse. I still let him move in with much reservation but not knowing what else to do than to accept what I thought God had brought into my life. I was miserable without my husband! We had divorced and gotten re-married 1.5 years later only for him to leave me again 18 days later for that same woman! So I was devistated and lost! I thought God had brought this other person to me and that was where I was supposed to be. I never stopped loving and missing my husband and everyone knew it and saw it clearly! Unfair to my new beau, but I couldn't help myself! I never gave up on my spouse and he knew it. We would talk from time to time. He saw me one day with the new guy, whom he also knew....it changed something inside him because he was seriously pursuing his coming home after that. I told him no for a good 5 months. It killed me inside! But I had the other people to consider and he needed to know that he wasn't just going to waltz back in and destroy my life again! God finally got through to me that I had to respect myself before my husband ever would! Well, after 3.5 years of being apart, back together, apart....blah, blah, blah; he has been home now for 6 months and things are looking up. He is working at earning my and his step-sons trust back and we go to church (although not as regular as I would like) and he lets me look at his phone and e-mail if the mood strikes me. He also set up counseling at my request. He has not missed one appointment! I have learned one thing for sure, if a man isn't into the relationship, he won't do ANYTHING you suggest! We ALL go through phases in life. If you truly want your relationship to work, you must give all you have until you are completely exhausted; never complain and never view it as work, it is a labor of love. Labors of Love are never daunting, aggrivating, or painful. You are a special person that deserves the Love and Respect that you give. Do you know why? Because God thought you were special enough to be born and strong enough to prove your Love for him, so why wouldn't you think as much of yourself?
I am not saying all relationships will work, or even mine will. I am however saying to believe in the power of Love, Prayer & with God all things are possible. Some people come into our lives so we can teach them or they have a lesson to teach us. Some people are taken from our lives either because they didn't deserve us, or we were wrong in how we treated them and need to learn before we deserve them.
Keep your faith and God Speed!
7/27/2009
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We married after only a month and half. Things seemed to be going great until I got him flirting on the computer. He said he'd never do it again. On our one year anniversary, another woman called asking for him. I later found out he was telling her I was just a roommate and he loved her. Again, I believed him when he said he'd change. The next thing happened, he came home on leave and was texting like crazy. He told me it was one of his guy friends, but he'd never let me near his phone. Since mine had died, he eventually let me borrow his to call my mom. The woman texted while I was using the phone, when I confronted him, he came clean. This last straw was we moved to another duty station. A month after he started back to work, the whole texting thing started. We agured like crazy. He would text her (on my cell since I was still looking for a job and at home) late at night, when I wasn't around, when he thought I wasn't looking. Finallly I confronted him and he told me he wanted a divorce. I begged and pleaded with him not to do this to us. He said he'd try one more time and that was it. This past weekend he didn't come home until nearly 10pm then he showered and change saying he was going for a drive. I couldn't take it. I knew he was going to her, but I didn't have proof, only my instincts. He came home around 2 am. I called the cell phone repeatly but he never answered. Finally, yesterday, after I read a text he sent her saying how he loves her, calling her sweetheart saying he can't wait to see her again, I called her and asked what is going on between her and my husband she replied I should ask him. I confronted my husband, but instead of yelling at me and telling me he's not cheating, he sat there while I told him everything. He swears it just a friendship, but if it was, he would've never hidden it from me. He would have wanted me to know about her and to meet her and he would've respected my feelings regarding her. I brought the love dare for him, but it collects dust. I unpacked it today and wondered if I can do this. We're in the process of going through fertility treatments and adopting. I take care of him, our home, our dogs, bills, cook, clean everything. All I wanted from him is love, devotion, honesty, and loyalty. He even refuses to go to church. He says he feels like he's on fire when he goes. I'm numb, I don't feel much anymore. I've stopped eating, I was diagnosed with severe mood depression and mild panic attacks. My hair is falling out and I no longer sleep. I've been praying that God will show me what to do, that he'll lead me in the right place and that he'll open my husband's heart. I've hardened myself against my husband, out of fear of my emotional state, but now we are two strangers. I start day one of the love dare today, because despite all he's done, I do love my husband and I want our marriage to work. He deploys again so it'll make things a little harder, but I hope he'll accept Christ into his life and continue to work with me to work on our marriage.
7/27/2009
It has been 57 day since my wife told me that she does not love me any more, I am still giving our marrage 100%, but I'm growing tired of not getting any response. We are in counciling, And I am doing the love dare. I am not a very church going guy, but I find myself reading the book more and more. I also have been praying alot! I feel something, maybe it is faith.
She said that we grow apart, but since she told me, she is the one that is not trying, maybe she needs more time. But when that time comes maybe I will be the one that has lost faith in the marrage. I pray not! Everyday that goes by is a day wasted, If she really wants to try I wish she would start, and not lead me on.
I have done alot of thinking about my situation and If things go bad, I would have failed my kids as a parent. As a parent we are suppose to protect your kids, this is not protecting them, this is failing them. But I know that if this does not work out I will have given this 120% and in my heart I tryed.
7/27/2009
I had a really good marriage. I heard from friends and family how they wished they had what we had. My husband was my best friend. I feel in love with him when I was 13 he was my best friends older brother nothing came of it until I was 17. After living together for eight years and having two kids we got married. Everything was great. Then one day it all changed an old girlfriend looked him up on the internet. He knew how I felt about her it was his first love need I say more. He had letters under his bed from her when I moved in with him. I was not comfortable about the whole thing. We started fighting and one night when in bed he told me that he had sex with another women before we got married my whole world just feel down around me. I did not know what to do. We went and talked to someone but things are still just not the same and I miss us. So I am doing the 40 day love dare.
7/24/2009
Well my story is a lot like others. I thought I had everything. A beautiful wife, two loving children. What more could I want. Three months ago when my wife went away on a weekend away for the two of us she told me she was leaving me. She was not in love anymore. This was after almost 14 years of marriage. She also told me she does not know if she was ever in love. We had allready watched the movie, and I bought the book and completed the dare. It's been three months since she told me she was leaving and she did not leave and now tells me she has no intention of leaving.
I know that there still will be difficulties, however what I can say is to do the dares. Don't do it for your husband or wife. Do it for yourself. It takes two people to make a marriage and if you leave it to the Lord he will help you. Some days I was ready to give up, and some days I still wonder where he is leading me. I feel better about myself after completing the dares. It improved me and my outlook on life which in turn showed my wife the true person I really was. I was always there but due to kids, job, money I moved away from the person that she fell in love with.
I forgot to show her love and I believe that is why she wanted to leave me. I was so shocked from her words I showered her with love and pushed her furthur away. I could not believe it. It was not until I started to love the lord more and give myself to the lord that I began to understand what was happening. I became a better person (not that I was that bad) but I learned how to be a better person. This in turn has shown my wife the husband I can really be.
Things are still uncertain at home, but they are headed in the right direction. For everyone who feels lost just take it one day at a time and leave it in the lords hands. Don't give up halfway thru. Follow thru with the whole book and leave everything in the Lord's hands. He will lead you where he wants you to go. It may not make sense today or tomorrow but one day you will understand.
I'm not sure where my story is going to end up. I would like to grow old with my wife if that is what the lord wants. I will continue to enjoy what I have now and see what the lord has instore for my family.
7/19/2009
My husband and I have been together for 9 years and we have 3 children. I feel as though I am and have been losing him to the world, he enjoys the "party" life too much and it has definately affected our family and I am guilty of putting others before him. I love him and I know that he loves me, we decided to seperate and see where things end up. We both come from divorced homes and I would love for this marriage to be saved. I am praying for my husband's salvation and for God to restore our love and marriage, for us and our children. My relationship with Christ has grown thru prayer and his Holy word, I am learning to put God first and I feel a tremendous amount of peace in doing so. I feel that God has led me to the 40 Day Love Dare and I have faith that God's will be done and everything will be for his GLORY! It is not easy and so far have not gotten any positive response from my husband but I am committed to completing the Dare and I am reminded of the end results that Christ wins and the enemy is DEFEATED! I am encouraged by the song from the movie Fireproof "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I have faith that we together will be giving a PRAISE report! So may God's will be done for all his honor and glory!
7/18/2009
My husband and I have been together for about 10 years and have been married for almost 4 years. In the beginning of our relationship he cheated on my and told me that he did and he was sorry. About 5 years later we had kids (twin boys) and were about to get married when they were going to be about 2 years old he cheated on me again and this time he gave me herpes, I wanted to literally kill him but I loved him and had kids involved now and was engaged to marry him in about 6 months. I went on with the marriage and forgave him and he said he would never ever do that to me again. So about a year later we had another child my son who will now be 3 and its been so hard to trust him because it just seems that those old bad habits of hanging out with his friends late and not coming home until late morning has started again. I think once again he is cheating and believe that just a few days ago he has. We have lately been fighting because he smokes marijuana on a regular basis and believes it is not doing anything to the way he has been acting. Lately withing the past 4 or 5 years we have been almost pretty much physically fighting like there is no tomorrow in front of our children with weapons and everything that you can think of. Thank God that no one has been fatally hurt or wounded to where our anger has taken over to hurt each other permanently but its getting there it seems closer and closer the further apart we get. I am the christian in my family meaning I make it a priority for us to go to church and he goes but goes for just the music not necessarily to get a word from God (at least that is what I think). Its been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life is to be with a man that I love and know he loves me but just have been making so many bad decisions its destroying our marriage and our family. I am up to my witts with trying to make it work and be the good mother, wife and friend to everyone who needs me. I have been praying like there is no tomorrow for an answer from God that hopefully comes soon enough for me to make the biggest decision in my life to either divorce him or stay with him and make it work for the sake of our family. I am crying out to God to show me the way to to be that better person for everyone including myself and God. I don't know what else to do other than pray that I get a break through so that this either works or it fails and I know the Lord doesn't want it to fail because we wouldn't have made it this far. So if the Lord has a plan for me I am willing to do anything and everything it takes to do God's will. So if there is anyone out there that can relate or even give me some indication on what I need to do, please do so.
I aM nOt AsHaMeD oF gOd
7/18/2009
I've been married to the same man for 8 years. It must be by God's grace that our marriage has lasted this long, and to be honest- the main reason I stuck by him was because I didn't feel I had any other alternative as we have 3 kids together. In Spring of this year, I came so close to leaving him. no matter what it costed me. But, I also knew what it would cost the kids. I have never felt so discouraged and confused. I had come to a fork in a road spiritually and have had to decide which road to take. Through prayer, Heavenly Father has soften my husband's heart and last night we sat and watched Fire Proof together. I am not sure what is going to happen. I am going to order the 40 Day challenge . I can only have faith that Heavenly Father will continue to take part of healing our marriage and fire proof our marriage.
7/16/2009
My husband and I will be married 5 years in september. he is the love of my life. We both have been through so much, he's been deployed to iraq 3 times, it changed him. This last time he was deployed i was raped. I never told anybody. I didn't want him to feel guilty because he wasn't here, i changed after that. i became a hard person, not letting anybody in. he has shut me out of his heart completly. I have been doing the love dare for 21 days now. My candle light dinner didn't go so well. he told me it was too late. But thanks to my friends we talke a little, and he agreed in staying and trying to give it a chance, he wants his freedom to do whatever he wants to do. I don't mind him having friends and him spending time with them, I just want him to spend some time with me and the kids too. He is numb, doesn't feel anything anymore, he was diagnosed with PTSD. Hopefully the medication he is trying to get will help him. He is confused and suspicious because I have completly changed in the last 3 weeks. I have been praying and reading my bible, and it has changed me from the inside out. he doesn't believe it is going to last, and I understand why. All I want him to do is give us a chance, I want to finish the book, I need to finish the book. I know he still loves me and cares about me or else he wouldn't live in our house anymore. I'm praying for him to open his heart and break down walls so we can start over and have a stronger marriage then we ever had before. Please everybody pray for us
Silke
7/11/2009
Well, it appears that I'm not alone. The stories below are so like my own.
My husband and I were Christian high school sweethearts. We've been together 16 years through all sorts of trials, but the failure of a business we started drove us apart the last few years. Resentment and mistakes on both sides, and I made him feel like a "loser". He's right...I did do that.
Three weeks ago yesterday, I overheard him talking to a woman on his cell phone. He lied, saying that it was a man, but I followed through and found who she was. A few weeks of fighting later, and I know so much now. Things I wish werent true.
They'd met online through a game. He was hurting and lonely, her husband has been cheating on her. And they spent a couple of months together on the phone and internet. I confronted them both and told her she had no business talking to my husband or being in our lives. She has her own problems to tend to, rather than adding new ones to me.
He says she was just his "best friend" but she says she has deep and inappropriate feelings for him, though claims that it was never discussed. The small things, the little love gestures and flirts that he refuses to see as more than her being a nice person rip me apart. I want to do this, to make things better than they were and work through both of our mistakes here...but I dont know that I have the strength for it. How can a human heart survive this?
My heart is broken. I dont hate him. I know my part in this and know him. He's not someone who chases women. In fact, I completely understand how he felt and how it came to this. I'd been feeling like we were all but divorced, too. Still, I've had so much rage from the betrayal and hurt him in this aftermath. He's stayed at my side, forgiving me and assuring me that he made such a horrible mistake...even as the other woman persists to try to contact him.
Now, we're working on repairing the problem. We're still together and have moments where it's like we're dating again. Its just so hard for me to get past the pain, to focus on our relationship...not theirs. We're watching Fireproof together today, and I'll be getting the book, too. Pray for us, and every on the list here, please. We all need the strength to see this through, the courage to open our hearts again, and the ability to keep moving forward.
Thank you so very, very much for putting some hope out there for all of us who are in the midst of our own infernos and can feel the flames licking at our skin!
7/10/2009
For several months I have suspected that my husband has been having an affair. I believe that it may be emotional right now, which to me is just as hurtful. There are times though, when he hasn't come home. I've caught him texting the other woman. He's hid the cell phone under a blanket, slept with it in his pocket. I've checked his cell phone and she's the last person that he calls before he comes home. He's sent her a text saying, "love you". When I confronted him, he said that she's just a friend.
I have called the other woman. She says that she would never do "that" to another woman, because she is going through the same thing herself. She says that my husband was a customer and she's a waitress. She told him her story and he said that he could help find her a place to stay. When I asked about the text that said, "love you", from my husband to her, she told me that she didn't respond. This happened two days ago. Today, I text her and asked that if she really knows what I'm going throught to please break all ties with my husband. I also e-mailed my husband and asked him to do the same thing. I haven't heard from either one of them.
I have begged him to let me know what I can do. I have said very hurtful things to him in response to my anger. I didn't mean to hurt him. I feel like at the point that I said them, I had already lost him. I have asked him to go to counseling, he refuses.
Together we have a 4 year old son, and my 10 year old daughter (from a previous marriage). He has a 21 year old son from a previous marriage, with whom he has very little contact. I cannot bear putting my daughter through another divorce. Our son adores his dad. I feel like I'm the one left dealing with all of the fall- out of his "fling". I'm left answering the questions from my son, about when is daddy coming home. My son ask to wait and eat his dinner when Daddy comes home. He want to wait to take his shower with Daddy. At bedtime he cries because Daddy said that he'd be here this evening, and isn't home and didn't give him a hug and kiss. He ask to call his dad normally several times during the day. Only part of the time does he answer. When my son first started asking to call my husband, my husband told me to quit using our son as a "pawn".
We share custody of my daughter with my ex-husband. My daughter is with us 4 days a week. She'll make coments that she hasn't seen her step-dad all week. Coments like he must be working late.
I don't think that it's fair that I've been left to lie to our children. It breaks my heart to know that they notice he's not around. It breaks my heart and angers me every time I have to come up with an excuse for him.
He's says that he is trying, yet every night he comes home later and more drunk. The calls and text continue and I question where he is at the unacounted for hours.
I'm on medication now for depression and I've been prescribed something to help me sleep. This is the fifth day of medication. Hopefully it will kick in soon. I have to be able to care for our kids. My muscles ache from having the sensation of shivering all the time. It's not fair that the kids and I are the ones suffering.
My Mom and her friends and I are praying hard for a miracle. I've also contacted my old pastor who refered me to the movie "Fire proof" and the book 40 days. I found this website through google and I'm actively trying to fix things on my part. I'm trying every possible. Please pray for me if you're reading this. God, Please hear my prayers!
My husband is angry with me for snooping in his phone. I just don't think that's appropriate for a married man to be calling and texting a single woman, several times daily. I wish she would just go away if all she is , is a"waitress". How can he work on our marriage if she's always on his mind.
I'm just at wits end and I don't know how to deal anymore.
7/10/2009
Two days ago, my husband told me that he was filing for divorce. I haven't been able to eat, sleep, or work since then. His only reason is that he is tired of the ways I have previously disrespected him or reacted to situations out of my flesh. I made an appointment for us to speak with our Pastor but my husband stated that he had more important things to take care of. So, through my praying and crying, I've decided that tomorrow I will start the 40-day love dare. I told my husband that with God on my side, I have the majority. If God can raise Lazarus from the dead, I know He can bring my marriage back to life. Even though 'man' sees my marriage ending, I see the end result that's going to work in my favor for God's glory. I'm claiming victory NOW! I rebuke the devil from my marriage in the name of Jesus. I look forward to sharing my testimony with you all after my 40 days are over.
Angel
7/9/2009
Day 3 of my Love Dare, Still very confused why this has happened but it has. She will kiss me now, and has for 3 days to do so in the mornings and at night. I am giving her, her space and so call girl time. After giving her no emotion for years, I flooded her with love.
One thing guys, don't over do it, it is as bad as not giving her any emotion. It confuses them even more than she is. Take it slow and talk, "Communicate" I hope to take baby steps and hope she will begin to love me again. I have read a lot of the other stories and I feel for you, I know what you are going throw, and the pain you feel, you are not alone and I pray it works out for you.!! I am not a church going guy, but something clicks when I read the love dare. Maybe I'm finding faith I don't know. My fear is when this is all over she will not take me back. I hope to keep updating and hope my story gives others hope. As I hope and pray for myself.
Bombshell
7/9/2009
I have been married for almost 7 years and we have three daughters (from my previous marriage). Recently my husband and I have somehow drifted apart. We argue and fight about anything, everything, and nothing. Actually most of our disagreements I say very little until I cannot take it anymore. What makes matter worse is I feel as if my husband has been cheating on me. There have been several instances where he has lied about his whereabouts, or who he was with, and what he was doing. He has locked his cell phone and at certain times when it rings he darts into another room to talk. I have read several text messages that a married man has no business sending or receiving from a "friend". I have even heard this "woman" asking my husband questions that are none of her concern unless she is sleeping with him. I have asked him without accusing if he is or has been cheating and that has turned into a knock out drag out fight. But a woman knows and I know. His touch is different, they way he looks at me is different, his actions and words toward me have been different. It has gotten to the point when I look at him I see a stranger. I know we all change but I do not see the man I love or married at all when I look at him. Even though he has tried to reassure me that nothing could be further from the truth he has not made one attempt to show me any different. He is not abusive toward me in the physical sense but some of his words have hurt more than I believe any strike at me ever could. He has stated more times then I care to mention that he should leave and in my heart I feel that in a way he has. I have told him that you do not have to physically leave the marriage to leave. Mentally, emotionally, spritiually, and yes in some ways physically he has left. I have stated to him just because you still reside in the same house as me does not mean that your heart dwells there. He comes home from work takes a shower then leaves, comes home long enough to sleep a couple hours gets up and does it all over again six days a week. I've told him to go if he wants to continue to act like a single man. . Yes, there has been nights when he had not come home at all. When I ask him about where he was I get a lie if I even get an answer. The only time I feel he understands what I mean is when I treaten to do to him what he does to me. Let me stay out all hours of the night and come home when ever I feel like it, if at all. I tried that once so he could see how it feels and I have never seen him so upset. What the @#$%* could you be doing in the streets that late besides being with another man. I just looked at him and said so what about you. That didn't change a thing he just makes it a point to be home just before the sun comes up. I have been praying to GOD about this and asked him to let his will be done.
I picked up the book LOVE DARE about five days ago. Went to my husband and asked if he would do this with me for the sake of our marriage. He heistated at first than agreed. Well I wanted to wait and started it the beginning of the week. When it was time to start our first day he backed down. I didn't bother stating my disappointment and I didn't bother asking him again.I made the decision that I cannot change him I can only change myself. I know that I have flaws that need improvement and I want to work on those for the sake of my marriage. He has brought all my negative characterics to light so he says so I am going to work on those and the others GOD shows me along the way. I have come to the conclusion that I am responsible for only me. I have made a commentment to GOD, my husband, our childern and myself to complete this 40 day journey even if it means I do it alone. That way at least I know I did all I could and I gave it all I had to pull my marriage back together. If it doesn't work out at least I can look myself in the mirror and sleep well at night knowing that I know I gave it my all. I am a strong believer that GOD will restore my marriage because in his eyes we are one and one is enough for him. I pray that my husband gets on board so we can enjoy this experience together!
MIZZ BUTTERFLY (Shana)
7/8/2009
I am very scared. My husband & I have been married for just under 11 years. On July 3, 2009, he said he did not want to be married anymore. He said he fell out of love and he has been struggling with this for 8 years now. He said he tried to tell me but I must have not listened as hard as I should have. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have some issues about myself I need to work on but I want to be with him and work through them together. Better or Worse, Sickness & Health, until Death due us apart. GOD will give me the strength to get me through this and make sure we are both safe. He is so wonderful and loving, it somewhat came as a shock to me. I am picking up the move Fireproof and a Love Dare book. I am hoping I pick out the right one for us. Please pray we will stay together and work through our issues together, as one.
Selina
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